No, Kate Marshall is the number one event planning software salesman in the world

Thank you for your previous article of whom could be the number one event planning software salesman* in the world. I would be remiss to argue against my good looks, sociopathic tendencies and slightly better than mediocre penis size. However, the core factor which makes the greatest event planning software salesman in the world involves neither sales nor event planning experience rather the intrinsic ability of being radiant. To this, I argue that Kate Marshall is the greatest event planning software salesman in the world.

What is radiance? I googled "radiant" and read everything until the 10th page before feeling the relevance was lost hours ago. Nevertheless, I went to the only credible source for being radiant, theradiantproject.com, and narrowed it down to 9 key factors 1) Ability to inspire, 2) Moisture of skin, 3) Relation to Cami, 4) Dance skills, 5) Weight of hair, 6) Brightness of smile, 7) Butt, 8) Penis size, 9) Ability to cause envy.

1) Ability to inspire: 10
Her ethics in inspiration is debatable, but in terms of ability it's an undisputed 10. On one hand she strayed people away from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and on the other she saved a tortured soul from the clutches of consumerism by merely whispering in his ear, "accelerate peace".

2) Moisture of skin: 10
Very soft cheeks.

3) Relation to Cami: 9
Kate and Cami's relationship has been a hotbed for debate as to whether they're best friends or lovers. Rumor has it they once touched lips. Until I see it for myself I'm going to have to doc her a point.

4) Dance skills: 10
Kate's dance moves have been described by onlookers as "erratic but graceful", "powerful yet elegant", and "it's like I was watching a ballet in The Octagon". Watching brings a tear to one's eye. Pictured here:

 

5) Weight of hair: 13 lbs
Most hair is weighed in the ounces. Notice the weight:

6) Brightness of smile: 8
Obviously, Kate has a 10 smile and only unleashes it when genuine humor or joy occurs. Points reduced for habitually hiding it to cause mischief or spread rumors about herself. She once said with a straight face, "I sell books because I feel like I'm helping families".

7) Butt: 10
Great butt

8) Penis size: 2
I can only assume she has an innie, but she gets a 2 because she has two very big balls. I saw them and Kate has a very impressive ball sack. 

9) Ability to cause envy: 10
Kate's one of those people that are "good at all the things". If the above mentioned isn't enough she can sing. Like, she's really good at singing. And if that's not enough, she's great at fishbowl. And everybody's like, "man, she gets to be in a SICAR with a handsome Russian Jewish Lumberjack".

The people agree, I'm right and you're wrong.


*gender is fluid