Valentine's Day is Bullshit

We’re all familiar on how the holiday was created when St. Valentine first invented the butterfly-shaped box and needed a way to promote it by creating a holiday called, at the time, “butterfly-shaped box day”; later changed to “Valentine’s Day”.  This was promoted to peasants and simple folk as the day of sacrifice to the butterflies or else they’ll come in droves and eat your crops.  The simple tradition was to catch a butterfly pin it to the inside of the box and give it to your loved one in hopes that they have a bountiful harvest.*  Over the years Valentine’s Day changed to symbolize a day of appreciating your “loved” one by buying them something special; chocolates, flowers, a cotton stuffed bear etc.  My qualm with Valentine’s Day isn’t with how it has changed over the years or the commercialism that’s attached to it; rather because it is the antithesis of love and happiness.

People forget what “love” is and the consequences that result from it.  Michael Davis, Psychologist, insurance salesman and MySpace user, stated, “Society loves to oversimplify things these days. Take “love” for instance.  An imaginary concept used to describe one’s feelings invoked when dopamine is released in the brain activated by a stimulus”. 

Love between two humans is pointless.  When you’re in “love” with someone they are merely thinking very short term because in the long run it will inevitably come to an end.  You’re told that “I will never leave you” or “you’re the one for me” only find that you’ve been lied to, cheated on or they eventually die on you.  Think of the majority of your dating relationships; if it is more than one then most of them ended in heart-ache and ultimately depression(a lack of dopamine).  Notice how Valentine’s Day conveniently ignores the eventual pain you feel when that person breaks your heart(-shaped candies).

Heroin is better than heartache.  The ultimate feeling of love comes from heroin.  Think about your previous experiences with heroin: it gave you a better feeling a significant other could have ever brought you, it won’t leave you, and it’s cheaper than human “love”.  Heroin is the ultimate forbidden love; your family warns you against it, your friends warn you against it and the government warns you against it but it will not stop you.  When Marius Gherghinescu said “Love knows no bounds” he was referring to heroin because you’re more likely to surpass boundaries for heroin than some human skin-sack that may or may not return the favor.

In conclusion, next time somebody gives you a DeBeer’s diamond ring; sell it and buy some real happiness.

I’m right and you’re wrong

You’re welcome,

The Jamie Pence

* Quintilian. The History of Valentine’s Day. Trans. H. E. Butler. Vol. 2. Cambridge: Loeb-Harvard UP, 1980. Print.

The Age Old Question: Which Muppet is the Best?- The Response

Kate,

Right, celebrities are the last people you want to turn to when it comes to determining such key issues such as this one.  If celebrities have taught us anything it’s that they cannot be trusted.  For example, are you going to take the opinion of someone who laughs incessantly over poop jokes*?  Not to mention, actors are famous for being someone they aren’t. Lies.

Wrong, Bobby Benson Baby Band is NOT the best Muppet.  If this were a contest of the cutest or the most annoying Muppet then they would take the cake.  It's easy to say that the Bobby Benson Baby Band is the best Muppet because it's the "in" Muppet at the time but that's like saying Justin Bieber is the best singer of all time.  I think it was a premature choice but nice try.

This is a question of the best.  I would define the best Muppet as one with principles, true leader and someone all the people can get behind.  The best Muppet is clearly Marvin E. Quasniki, a turquoise farmer from Nevada and runner in the GOP primaries.  Marvin E Quasniki is a straight shooter and a man of the people.  He runs on a platform of no bullshit and plans to remove it from our political system.  His issues are your issues; how can you not get behind that?  

I think this video makes my point. 

You’re welcome.

I’m Jamie Pence and you’re wrong

* Anderson Cooper

The Age Old Question: Which Muppet is the Best?

Lately there's been a widespread argument in the news, and many public discussions about which Muppet is the best. It's been a very provoking subject for me. I thought it'd be nice to resolve the disagreements and allow the truth set everyone free. The fact is that most people are just too emotional about their choices. They don't look at the issue objectively, which is vital to get to the bottom of any controversial subject.

Anderson Cooper said Rowlf the Dog is the best, based on the logic that "you have to be yourself, and you have to be real and you have to admit what you don`t know, and talk about what you do know, and talk about what you don`t know as long as you say you don`t know it." We don't think Cooper completely understands what he is talking about here, but we think his decision is absolutely based off his own feelings for dogs, as is evident in these pictures: 

 

Christian Bale pretended that the obvious answer was Kermit the Frog. He said, "a good director will be able to listen and hear everything, but have a confident vision of his own that he can say, 'oh yeah - that's a great point.'" However, it's clear that Bale's opinion is based off of his own personal connection with the frog, as is evident in all these copy-frog headshots:

 Separated at birth?

David Lee Roth likes Animal. Lady Gaga argues that Gonzo is the best. John Malkovich connects most with Dr. Strangepork. Shirley Temple, with Beaker. Roger Ebert is a fan of Statler and Waldorf. Mark Zuckerberg argues the significance of Floyd Pepper. Donald Trump supports Rizzo the Rat. Zsa Zsa Gabor relates the emotional story that Miss Piggy was the most influential persona for her career, and says she continues to inspire the world daily.

The problem with all of these opinions is that's all they are: opinions. Emotional. To look at something objectively you must research. You must watch every Muppets episode and movie in the history of the Muppets. I have done this for you, America. The result may surprise you, but rid yourself of your preconceptions. Allow your mind to be blown away by the truth. The Muppet with the most dignity, sincerity, intellect, maturity, humor, the most versatile and diverse, the one with the most to offer to the world is irrefutably: 

The Guitarist Baby in Bobby Benson's Baby Band!!

Watch this clip, to know what I'm talking about. Trust me. I'm right. The drummer baby comes up at a close second. The Swedish Chef at a close third. Watch this short clip for proof.

You're welcome.

I'm Kate Marshall. And I'm right.

6 Laws to Greater Leadership: A Response

Jamie:


Most of your views are quite logical and well thought out. I think this is an interesting topic to start "I'm Right- You're Wrong" out with, since both of us are so versed in the rules of, not just great leadership, but exceptional leadership. I'd like to extend, and also refute your argument so our public realizes the truth about the topic of leadership. 


Some idiot once said, "You will never be a leader unless you first learn to follow and be led." Now, anyone who is an actual leader knows this statement to be utterly ridiculous. Like you said, Jamie, "every leader at some point was born." Most of the leaders we cherish, and follow now were born leaders. They didn't "grow" to become the type of person other people want to be like. To extend your Star Wars analogy, Darth Sidious, or Darth Maul never thought about setting an example for their followers. Nobody wanted to "be like" them. Those were some freaky looking, messed up dudes. But they had a massive following because people were afraid of the power they held in their very hands. Anakin Skywalker followed them because he knew he was born to someday become even more powerful. This, combined with fear, is what motivates people to follow. A truly powerful leader never thinks twice about his followers. He just acts, and is followed because people are naturally afraid. This is also the case with Hitler, Jafar, Caesar, Khalif Umar, Skeletor, Oprah, Muhammad Ali, and Captain Kirk.


I'd like to give hope to the hopeless here, though. If you weren't born with leadership midichlorians in your DNA, you can always manipulate people into thinking you were. Take Ghandi for example. He had no raw power, so he starved himself until people followed him. It's all about desire. He wanted it so bad he denied himself the simple pleasures that so many live for. Enough people finally felt bad enough for him that they said "Fine, we'll revere you as a human being so you'll stop this nonsense." That's a direct quote from a majority of his followers. Another good example of manipulation is Martin Luther King. He once explained his technique using these words, "A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus." He gives himself away here, admitting openly he "molds" people to concede to his way of thinking. But even in his blunder, he gives the DNA-less hope that they too may someday have a whole holiday named after them. 


Ronald Reagan, Nelson Mandela, and Vince Lombardi are widely recognized as being great leaders as well. These men, and so many other well known leaders, were brilliant at feigning love for, and sincere interest in those that followed them. Lombardi once said, "The leader can never close the gap between himself and the group. If he does, he is no longer what he must be." Mandela said, "A leader is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock... all along they are being directed from behind." Reagan once said, "There's purpose and worth to each and every life." Anyone who has read Ayn Rand, or knows more than five people, also knows this is false, but Reagan manipulated people into thinking he actually thought it was true. These men made an art out of making people think they cared about them, personally, which they obviously didn't, since they hadn't even met 10% of the people that followed and trusted them. And that's what leadership is all about. This method of manipulation is intricately explored in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. 


You're welcome.


I'm Kate Marshall. And I'm Right. 

6 Laws to Greater Leadership

Leadership can be defined in a number of different ways.  Peter F. Drucker stated, “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” And Dwight Eisenhower said, “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”  I’m here to tell you that they’re WRONG!  Nice try, but true leadership is convincing or manipulating others to think that YOUR goal is their common goal.

Leaders are born.   In Star Wars, you can’t just learn the force; you must be born with it.  According to Davis Miller, an Imperial Stormtrooper out of Baltimore, MD, stated, "You must be born with midichlorians to experience the force and they determine the ceiling of your potential."  As great of a person Han Solo was; he will never be able to move things with his mind.  If you look at Han Solo’s destiny when he tried to be a leader and he ended up trapped alive in carbonite.  Not to mention, every leader at some point was born.

Manipulation; not open communication.  In my professional opinion, manipulation is what made Obama such a great leader.  He convinces Americans that the economy is going to be fine when it’s clearly in a downward spiral.  He sold Americans that he would take us out of the war only to expand it to other countries.  None of this progression would be possible without the leadership of Obama.  In “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”, they provide the most excellent proof of great leadership by manipulating some of the world’s most influential people into traveling through time to do their report.  Needless to say, they passed.

Top leadership structures are top down.  Think of a ladder.  The leader is always the person on the top of the ladder and since he found his way up there, you should listen to him* because his view is awesome.

Authority grants great leadership.  It is much easier to make people follow you than to ask them to follow you.  Like I’ve always been told, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…unless you hold a gun to its head.”  “Lord of the Rings” is another great example of authoritative leadership.  Sauron didn’t have any problem with rebellion from his army because they knew their fate if they rebelled.  Not to mention, Sauron’s army was much more badass than the elves. 

Principles cause problems.  What happens when have to choose between your principles and the easy road?  Obviously it’d be easier to go with the easy road!  Say, for instance, you hold honesty as one of your principles and you are leading an army into battle where death is certain; what are the chances that they’ll follow you?  Not very.  You must guarantee they will live and be back for supper. 

In conclusion, I’m RIGHT and the popular majority is WRONG.

*I use the masculine “him” because the only leaders are men.

The Beginning

So, this blog is dedicated to the issues.

Here you will witness two born genius intellectuals engaging in healthy, nasty debates about the important topics of our day.

We will explore, and detoxify the many mind-boggling mysteries of humanity, the world, this life. You know, we'll talk about it all.

We may not ever agree about anything, but one of us is always right. It's up for you to decide.

Most of the rhetoric and ideas will probably be over your head, but bear with us. We're here to help YOU, yes you, see the light. We want to help you understand what is right. And what is wrong. You will not give up, even when your world is darker than it's ever been. We will help you reach for something more when it feels like your life is empty. You will leave this place a more dignified, gentlemanly scholar. And the world will be better for it.

Welcome.

And you're welcome.

Love, Kate Marshall (right) and Jamie Pence (wrong).