The Age Old Question: Which Muppet is the Best?

Lately there's been a widespread argument in the news, and many public discussions about which Muppet is the best. It's been a very provoking subject for me. I thought it'd be nice to resolve the disagreements and allow the truth set everyone free. The fact is that most people are just too emotional about their choices. They don't look at the issue objectively, which is vital to get to the bottom of any controversial subject.

Anderson Cooper said Rowlf the Dog is the best, based on the logic that "you have to be yourself, and you have to be real and you have to admit what you don`t know, and talk about what you do know, and talk about what you don`t know as long as you say you don`t know it." We don't think Cooper completely understands what he is talking about here, but we think his decision is absolutely based off his own feelings for dogs, as is evident in these pictures: 

 

Christian Bale pretended that the obvious answer was Kermit the Frog. He said, "a good director will be able to listen and hear everything, but have a confident vision of his own that he can say, 'oh yeah - that's a great point.'" However, it's clear that Bale's opinion is based off of his own personal connection with the frog, as is evident in all these copy-frog headshots:

 Separated at birth?

David Lee Roth likes Animal. Lady Gaga argues that Gonzo is the best. John Malkovich connects most with Dr. Strangepork. Shirley Temple, with Beaker. Roger Ebert is a fan of Statler and Waldorf. Mark Zuckerberg argues the significance of Floyd Pepper. Donald Trump supports Rizzo the Rat. Zsa Zsa Gabor relates the emotional story that Miss Piggy was the most influential persona for her career, and says she continues to inspire the world daily.

The problem with all of these opinions is that's all they are: opinions. Emotional. To look at something objectively you must research. You must watch every Muppets episode and movie in the history of the Muppets. I have done this for you, America. The result may surprise you, but rid yourself of your preconceptions. Allow your mind to be blown away by the truth. The Muppet with the most dignity, sincerity, intellect, maturity, humor, the most versatile and diverse, the one with the most to offer to the world is irrefutably: 

The Guitarist Baby in Bobby Benson's Baby Band!!

Watch this clip, to know what I'm talking about. Trust me. I'm right. The drummer baby comes up at a close second. The Swedish Chef at a close third. Watch this short clip for proof.

You're welcome.

I'm Kate Marshall. And I'm right.