2014 was the year for butts

The other day my nemesis, Jamie, told me that you can get fake butts. I said, "What? Fake butts? If you can get a fake butt why do people do squats anymore?"

In my masterful, always-right opinion-- 2014 was the year for butts. I've even discovered a couple things for myself about them:

Firstly, women have butts, for sure. There was that one lady who showed her butt on that magazine cover which everyone seemed to be surprised by, including myself. I thought, "who knew? That woman has a butt." Seems to me that, just cause of a butt, a woman can be on the cover of a magazine-- which I had never thought of before.

There was also that other lady who was moving her butt up and down in a twerking fashion. Some people were like "she doesn't even have enough of a butt to pull that off!" But her butt seems to me to be able to pull off backwards up and down motions same as anybody else's. Made me think, butts are a question and an answer all at once, sometimes. They're complicated.

Is it okay to judge people's faces by their butts? Like you see their face, then you see their butt and everything about their face changes for you? Or you see their butt, then their face, and same thing? I think, as of this year, it's okay if you end up judging a face by a butt.

That brings us back to the biggest question of all, though. My question to Jamie still goes unanswered, and now I am hyper-sensitive to whether or not a butt is real. I've decided the best way to find out, really, is to just ask them straight up: "Is your butt real?" and then just try to decipher whether or not she/he is the type of individual to be honest about butts. Besides, they'll probably be flattered that you'd even ask. And if it was me asking, they'll be honored I'm even speaking to them.

Sorry you're not me.

The only butt I know is for sure real is my own. And I'm pretty sure Gene Kelly's butt is real. I'm like 95% on that. See? Even I can admit I don't know everything all the time-- but really, let's admit it, 95% is not bad. Just look for yourself (and don't sell yourself short. Look at all of these).

http://genekellysbutt.tumblr.com/?og=1

So, Jamie, amirite? Was 2014 the year of the butt? I don't think this is contestable.

You're Welcome.

I'm Kate Marshall. And I'm right.